Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
