i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
