He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Semen is not good for contacts.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
