i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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