They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
