shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
