I skipped work to stalk him.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
