He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
