Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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