he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
you have to choose: penises or morals?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
