Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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