Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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