and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize
