you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
