she was so not down for the gang bang
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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