Tell her she can't have a vagina
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
