It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
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