your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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