I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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