He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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