i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
