so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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