I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Is it because I queefed?
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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