I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
