Three words: puerto rican gang bang
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
You are the jesus of drinking
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
