Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
