Got a toothbrush?
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
