Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
