i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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