I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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