Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
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And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
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I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
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