i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
