new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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