don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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