where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
