I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
