Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
farters have to be the big spoon...
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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