bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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