im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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