our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I deserve this hangover.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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