I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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