I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
