Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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