Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
