I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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