I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
