I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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