weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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