I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
