You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
