hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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