Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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