Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
