do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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