So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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