In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
