I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
