cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
