Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
