they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
