Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
