I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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