and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
