I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
