She announced her abortion via fbk
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
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