i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
These tits shall not be calmed
All the doctor said was why
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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