hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
