Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
