I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
