be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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