I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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