Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
