Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize