btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
