We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
