batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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