he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I cut my penus on the lid.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
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